A Summer's Rain

I stood on the porch and flicked the ashes of my cigarette into the cedar chips. I watched the runoff from the eaves beat the ashes into the ground.

I was overtaken by the urge to run naked through the rain. I decided against this -- not for the fear of exposing my body to the eyes of the neighbors but for fear they'd think I was crazy. They'd think I'd had too much wine. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I had had too much wine, but there was something about the thought of the warm water beating against my flesh. Something about forgetting my problems and inhibitions. Something that I just could not resist.

I stuck my foot out into the downfall and thought -- no one could think like this and not write.

So, instead of frolicking drenched through the neighborhood, I found a pen.

A Word on Religion or God Pisses Me Off

God pisses me off.



Maybe I should rephrase that: People who believe in God piss me off.



Let's try this again: People who believe in God and try to push their beliefs on me, piss me off.



There is nothing more awkward than having a believer initiating a conversation in which they seem to assume that all other participants have the same beliefs. Newsflash: Not everyone agrees with your philosophy. Even bigger newsflash: Just because I sit here nodding doesn't mean I believe in your philosophy; it just means that I have learned my lesson about speaking about religion when outnumbered amongst Christians. And yes, I do mean to single out Christians. I've never had a Hindu or a Buddhist try to convert me. To be honest, however, I've mainly been surrounded by Christians.

I don't care if you believe in God. I don't care if you don't believe in God. I don't even care if you're not sure if you do or do not believe in God.

So, why do Christians feel the need to care about what I believe?



I've had a few God interventions over the years. The kind of sit-down-let's-discuss-what-you-should-believe discussions that no one should have to endure. Ever. They're uncomfortable. They're accusatory. They're not effective. If anything, I'll dig my heals in even harder and get offended.



How does that help your cause?

I'm not saying I'm not open to discussing religion. In fact, I find religion extremely interesting, and Christian ideology is based on good ideas, for the most part anyway. Love, redemption, forgiveness, how could that go awry? In fact, I used to be very strong in my Christian faith, but it seemed the more exposure I had to the world, the more my eyes opened and the more my heart closed to blind faith. Who determines which religion is truth and which is gullibility?

Let me know if you want to grab coffee and discuss theologies of the world, but please don't start quoting the Bible at me or I may retaliate with something like this.

Heeeeeere's Johnny...

I feel like that guy from The Shining.

You know, the guy who gets possessed by the evil hotel and tries to kill his family.

Yeah, that guy.

I'm not actually contemplating chasing my family around with a hatchet, but this snow is making the cabin fever almost unbearable. One minute it's mud and chirping birds the next it's frozen tundra and plow trucks. How can Mother Nature expect us all to keep our sanity?

I bet there's a rise in institutionalization this time of year (side note: that is one HELL of a fabulous word). Someone should do a study on that subject instead of the stupid ones I read about on yahoo or MSN. The ones that spend an obscene amount of money to tell us that Twinkies make us fat or texting and driving is dangerous. Waste money on something that informs me, not something that sucks all the joy out of my life.

It's amazing how people forget how to drive in snow within a matter of weeks. The road warriors suddenly are slipping and sliding and trying to run me over. Of course then there's me driving like a grandma in my grandma-esque vehicle. Maybe I should start slouching and wearing a curly grey wig when I drive. Then I can should obscenities out the window and other motorists will just think I'm crazy. Maybe they'll think I'm crazy anyway.

I sure feel crazy. All I want to do is go for walks after work, clean out the bird feeder, sit at my backyard table, dig in the dirt, and not freeze my ass off. It's like the last couple of weeks were just a teaser and we're never, EVER, going to see the sun, again.

Stupid snow.

Stupid winter.

Stupid insanity.

Don't call the authorities. I'm not literally feeling homicidal, however, I may scrawl "REDRUM" in crimson lipstick on the mirror in the office bathroom tomorrow just to see how coworkers react.